It’s hard to wake up before dawn nowadays and it’s hard to sleep before midnight. The house is still buzzing with the children’s shrieks and laughs. My siblings are still straightening their backs in front of their laptops, diving their noses into their worksheets. And I’m still looking outside my…

i. it’s still five am in the morning and you’re already walking on the quiet road, blotches of tears dirtying your fresh-waked face. you can only hear your choked sobs bubbling up your throat and your heart feels heavier somehow, knowing you’re alone not only in your home, but also…

selamat pagi. selamat siang. selamat malam. sudah lama aku tak menulis di sini. terakhir aku berpijak, hatiku melunjak — menjelek-jelekkan pribadiku yang tidak begitu berguna. sekarang, masih ada perasaan buruk yang mengendap, tapi setidaknya aku telah melihat hatiku lapang untuk sebentar saja. aku lega untuk sesaat, tapi sekarang aku benar-benar akan berjalan masuk melewati gerbang masa dewasa, dan ketakutan baru mulai menyambutku.

jadwal tidurku hancur. entah mengapa sekarang aku sering jam tujuh malam untuk bangun sekitar jam sembilan dan tidur lagi jam dua untuk bangun lagi jam lima. energiku hilang. aku tidak mau berbuat apa-apa. lama tak menulis kisah maya. tak niat juga berceloteh akademisi. cuma ingin bergelut berselimut dalam sejarah youtube…

a guide for those who are in love with an imaginary love don’t. just don’t. constant. romance never changes: it is you. always. contradiction. my brain spells this, my heart spells that. i said love is everything that is confined by bullshit but that bullshit is what i crave for. …

i. sometimes i look at those people who has blurry panoramas and wears glasses to see the universe unfold before them. the frame relied on noses full of pimples or full of freckles or consists of nothing but softness. …

“Ingatkah engkau akan diriku?” “Apa yang kaubicarakan? Tentu saja aku mengingatmu. Aku melihatmu setiap hari, terletak di meja beralaskan kaca, diserubungi barang-barang acak fungsi.” “Tapi ingatkah engkau dengan janjimu? Lima menit berhadapan denganku sehari untuk menulis apapun yang engkau ingin tulis. Seabsurd Dali, semelankolis Van Gogh — seekspresif seluruh figur…

originally an entry to a short story competition made by nulisbuku a year ago, but i didn’t make the cut. discovered it today stranded in my old writing folder and i decided to publish it here. enjoy. Cahaya matahari menyelinap ke ruang antarjari dan kaki-kaki sedang mengayun mengikuti setiap silabel…

By impulse, I text Eve about Ayu — about how I am sure that I really love her lovely smile and slanted eyes; how I probably want to outline her handlines and map the column of her head for the rest of my life. She replies, dude, you’ve only known…